Kids are tough. Kids’ reactions make sense. Kids care.
Summary
The way in which adults treat kids is, in my opinion, one of the most important things we should be focusing on as a society.
Kids build up mental models of how the world works. If important adult figures, like parents and teachers, fail to act in the “right” way, significant long-term damage can be inflicted on the kid. The point of this blog post is not to discuss these long-term issues, rather, my thoughts on how adults could better deal with kids to avoid causing any future damage.
I have summarized my thoughts into three main areas: 1) kids are tough, 2) kids’ reactions make sense, and 3) kids care.
1) Kids Are Tough
Since we tend to see kids getting triggered fairly easily, we’re used to thinking of them as being fragile. Kids are more likely to fight, throw tantrums, or self-destruct compared to adults. However, kids are significantly more robust than adults. They can handle difficult situations like divorces, exam failures or being the final pick in a P.E. football game. They can absorb blow after blow and somehow still pick themselves up and end up as a fully functioning human being.
This is perhaps what makes abuse of children so horrible. While a kid is still feeling out how the world works and a so-called “authoritative figure” shows them that the world is a cruel place via some form of mental or physical abuse, the kid will only adapt to that. That, in of itself, results in a range of issues that manifest in different ways later in life.
On the opposite side, parents that overprotect kids and object to “exposing” them to “harmful” things can also be detrimental. For example, failing to inform kids on how babies are made. When I was a child, I was told by my elders that babies were bought from shops. Later, I realised that I had been fed incorrect information from people who I was meant to trust. There is clearly no cookie-cutter approach to dealing with kids, but parents shouldn’t let their cultural or social norms get in the way of facts (such as sex) that kids will learn from friends or the Internet. Sex is just an example – it could be discussing things like homelessness or drugs.
Some parents seem to paint a picture of perfect innocence that a) should be preserved at all costs, and b) if a kid “loses their innocence”, some kind of life-threatening mental injury will be inflicted. It’s almost as if once a kid realises that these things exist in the world, that they will be worse off than when they were lied to by parents.
The overprotection of children and smothering them in bubble wrap until they turn a certain age where they are perceived to be fully-formed humans (often 16-18) is something I’m especially against. There shouldn’t be a predetermined age, where before this point, a child is sheltered from things. “Exposing” them to these things when they’re ready (i.e. when they become curious) opens the door for communication and an overall stronger adult-child relationship.
2) Kids’ Reactions Make Sense
Adults often paint kids out to be crazy or sporadic. Instead, kids just lack experience and context. Linking back to point 1 in this blog post, kids simply have holes in their understanding of how the world works. In turn, kids make “over-the-top” leaps and form “incomprehensible” conclusions to someone who has lived longer and has a more accurate set of assumptions. This can mean that some of their actions or choices seem strange to adults.
It’s true that, sometimes, kids just get an idea and run with it, and the underlying rationale is that “it looked fun”. On the other hand, kids can be angry or upset at something that adults find relatively trivial, resulting in the kids’ feelings being dismissed.
For example, a kid crying that they didn’t get the McDonald’s that they were promised is something that is a big deal for them that many adults would simply brush to the side as a “temper tantrum”. However, it is important for adults to view things from the kids’ perspective – they were pinning their hopes on that adult to fulfill their promise — Would adults use that same tactic with other adults?
Often, if a kid is emotional or angry, or if a kid is overly obsessed about the colour of their apple – you find the reasons why if you’re inquisitive and show an interest.
3) Kids Care
This point is perhaps the least surprising, however, it is worth reinforcing – kids care and they take things seriously.
Like adults, kids care about a range of different things, and also find motivation in a wide range of stuff. Video games, planes, lego, sports, etc.
Adults shouldn’t really judge what any particular kid finds passion or motivation in. The point is that kids are constantly trying to figure out how the world works. They form conclusions which are logical, and can carry out reasoning to a greater extent than what adults may expect.
Importantly, and what many adults fail to comprehend, is that kids care about the outcome of things that they are passionate about. Their relative lack of articulative ability shouldn’t deter us adults from that fact – or serve as a tool for adults to undermine their passions for that matter.
Adults have a lot to learn from kids. Kids haven’t built up barriers to the world yet like adults have. Kids, therefore, have this innate ability to not give up on things we adults wish we had more of – hope and optimism. It is up to important adult figures – parents, teachers, mentors – to keep that light burning by being open to the resilience that kids have.
Recommended Reading
If you’re interested in learning more about parenting or even about your own upbringing, I would recommend the book titled “Unconditional Parenting” by Alfie Kohn.
Adeel Hasan 